I hate the way these thoughts come...after 2 days in bed...and nonstop crying, I feel the creeping of "oh why don't you just end your misery" thoughts. Not serious ones...but why does BP make it so alluring? Like a light at the end of the tunnel. I won't do anything...I just...day 3 of no food and I wish my heart would just give out...it's broken already. Not from boyfriend. From everything in my life. One trauma after another. I'm not feeling sorry for myself...I'm just tired of it. Mom always points out people who have lost kids, their homes, etc. That's all horrible. I wouldn't be able to deal. And I don't feel ashamed saying it. I wish I had someone, anyone, to hold me right now.

Tears are running down my cheeks as I type this...I couldn't even make it through the grocery store without crying. I just hate this. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

It's so hard for me to even write this. I just...I guess I'm pretty alone besides you guys. Thanks for being there for me.