I am, in most ways, lucky.
was born in a wealthy part of the world, with parents who love me, care, and know how things work in life, and the world, good economy and all.
really, my parents are the greatest, which makes this entire situation worse, I just care too much about them.

My life hasn't been simple, school has been hell, both social and educational.
I think I started with being depressed.. not really sure, sometime in my youth, I know I had "wishful thinking" before I understood the concept of death, which of course turned to suicidal thoughts when I did.
so if we say that I started being depressed at the age of 10, that would be 12 years of depression now.

the only reason I'm still here is because I care, like I said above, my parents, my sister, and quite a few other people just care too much about me, and I can't stop worrying how my death might destroy them.
I also have my sister almost living off my economy, being depressed has it's pluses, since I don't care for anything I just work and let life pass by makes saving really easy.

another note: I've been to therapy, sort of, been to sessions with a therapist, that was about my social problems (school bullies hurt social life), but I was hinting, a lot, about my situation..
I've also hinted this to my parents (I think they may have taken it a bit, but are afraid confronting it will just make it worse), my sister already knows it, but she seems to react like I suspect my parents are.
my doctor also dismissed it....

it feels like I can shout people in the face "I'M DEPRESSED" and they still fail to realize it.

apart from all that my life is like "on hold".


side note: I'm having daily nosebleeds lately, for no reason at all, anyone know some good resources or something.