I've always said that I wasn't afraid of dying, but that I was afraid of the way I may die. I want my death to be sudden, no lingering, no worrying my kids or husband. I've come to realize that I can't always control life and that I may come up against illnesses or cancers that will take me down. So how do I prepare myself for the inevitable? I speak to my two sons and let them know the things that I would prefer to be done. I don't know if it's just me but I don't want to be a burden and I don't want them filled with regrets after I pass. I had a rough time with my mother before she died because of her mental illness and it wreaks havoc on everyone involved. I'm not sure how long it will take me to get rid of the guilt but I do know that I don't want to put my children through this. I know that it's a possibility that my mental illness will become full blown as I age and start losing some of the stability that I have been able to secure for myself. I have asked my sons to let me remain in my home as long as possible and given them permission to hire someone to help me if they feel I shouldn't be alone. I've also told them to put me in a nursing home if things get out of control. I read the article that TheByzantine linked us to and it's true that we in America don't honor our elderly as we should. But how to change that? In time, for us? Sometimes I agree with you, infpman, on the rotten life, just let me go. But most times, I'm not ready to give up. I still see the beauty and grace in this world; I still love the dirt on my farm; I still know that I'm not done yet. Know that you are not alone in how you feel and know that the fleeting moments of peace are worth living for. Keep the faith, infpman.