Something I am quoting from a forum that WP just posted today in grounding techniques, above:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...t=16719&page=6

"In trauma the unconscious right brain is used to store the kernels of threat, and unacceptable judgements and meanings. It may inevitably connect with unconscious elements from early childhood when the right brain was dominant. This may be one reason why exploration of traumas leads eventually back to early childhood."

How is it that I am relating a perfectly unrelated memory to this childhood memory? To a degree this explains some of it. I feel sick to my tummy. I want to protect and hug and care for myself and at the same time I am saying: "Like come on, give me a break". This is me that thinks/feels this way but the complexity lies in the fact that all my other parts seem to get it but me. *sigh* Yes, it has been put 'on hold' till now and I am ready to deal with it but it is really hard and will the other parts 'get it' that I have got it when I get it? Ooooo, way to complicated for me and then I feel discouraged even trying when I think about the immensity.

I don't expect a complete response here. I do think the rest of the post (WP's post) makes me feel hope that there is a way to reconnect the sides of the brain and that it makes sense.

That there is this little preverbal Chicklet that can draw, cry, feel shame, have memory, shake head back and forth, etc can be connected to this horrendous captured feeling, experiences (is a mild way to put it) in later life with this 'creep' who persuaded me and likely others to do his 'beck and call'.

That is about all for now. Just can't sustain the digging into, except we have this memory of this tin building like a semi circle upside-down and her, Chicklet being carried into a room with like seems like hundreds of people all in winter/dark coats or something, even hats, worn by men. It is like waking up from a sleep feeling.

The creep, from me as a older teen/young adult and the inability to speak is/was the same both with the inability to speak (full well knowing that this is me and not all of us.) argh...I thought I was 'shy', I didn't know I was put in that position again.

....mumble...mumble...mumble


I know what is being written above and I do understand.