Thank you all.

I've been seeing my T for almost 4 years and I've actually been struggling with this attachment stuff for almost 2 years, although only this intensely for maybe 1 year.

Elliemay//Fartraveler---
That is a great idea.. Actually T has given me a few smooth stones that she had to help me with just that. That was 2 or 3 years ago. At first they really helped, but I would never take them with me anywhere because I was too scared of losing them. For some reason they don't help as much now, but I still hold them frequently and I'm starting to get over my fear of taking them places.

About a year and a half ago my T gave me a journal to write in. That helps sometimes too. It took me a long time to feel comfortable writing in it but now I'm so glad I have it. Now I am even at a place where almost every time I write in it I will bring it to my next session and have her read everything. She is always so nice and understanding and kind and she says she's so happy she got it for me.

More recently T bought me a bar of chocolate. She encourages me to eat it because of my ED issues but also as something that is a symbol of my needs and she tells me its okay to feel like this, and I should try to eat the chocolate and not feel guilty about my needs and just let the feelings come.

T is so so nice to me I don't deserve it