Quote:
Originally Posted by Solarwind
if i didnt NEED therapy i would not go. it costs money, real world relationships would be far more fulfilling, time, etc I would have NO WANT for it if i did not need.
but i NEED therapy.
how do i know...
-- my real world life is a total disaster 
for example:
-i am 20 and i want to be dead every day of my life
-i grew up in foster care after being removed by CPS from terribly abusive bioparents. this led to some disorders characteristic of severly abused kids. these disorders affect my life and interrupt my life in MANY ways
-i am really afraid of people
i look at my life and it is so sad. i want my life to be better and i need help. i need help. i dont' know how to do it myself. my life is a mess.
I NEED therapy. i can pinpoint how my life is so unfullfilling for someone my age and i dont know how to fix me. that is NEED.
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I've been almost exactly where you are, Solarwind. Twenty years later I can tell you that life is good, and every day I am so thankful for being alive. Stick with it for a bit longer, hun.
Rainbow, I think you have some very real attachment and enmeshment issues to work on in therapy. The bigger question would be if you are willing to truly examine them and challenge them or not. The danger for you, I think, is that therapy gives you what you perceive you need (that closeness), but simply basking in that 'therapy glow' will not change anything for you at all. You will remain enmeshed in that therapy dance of expectation and eventual disappointment.
If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have gotten. This time in your therapy what can you do differently?