Thanks, guys

I left a phone message for T today, and was able to verbalize some of the stuff that is going on. There have been some things with my son who has autism that have been making me really sad for him and some things with my alcoholic mom that I'm not sure how to deal with. A lot of big feelings around those two things. Sadness, fear (with my son), fear, anger (with my mom). Naming it helped a little.

Blue - the trigger was around some CSA stuff, and happened the other night. I was REALLY triggered - thought about calling the on call T - but managed to work through it. It's still there under the surface. Just thinking about getting back into the CSA stuff (which is kind of unavoidable for some IRL reasons that are too complicated to explain here) makes my heart RACE and makes me want to throw up. blah.

I don't feel like we will have a rupture, really. I guess I just feel like I have a lot to talk about. It feels hard.

I have been SO cranky today. Maybe seeing T tomorrow will help.