I know only what you have told us, Rainbow, and no, I am not a T! (Though it might be good if I were - I think I'd be financially better off at any rate!)
But, you know, it isn't difficult to see that you have some attachment issues that cause you distress, and it is also pretty easy to see the connection between wanting enmeshment with your Ts and the enmeshed relationship your own mother had with you, which you yourself have described as her 'giving you everything' and being there almost 'too much'.
I guess what I am wondering is what was left unresolved from your relationship with your mother? It seems there was some key thing that was never resolved between the two of you, or some need you had that she was never able to fulfil, despite her constant attention and love.
Some things you have written make me wonder if your mother was ever truly able to see you for who YOU are... she was able to give you everything and be there for you, but what was it that was missing? You've written before that as a child you never shared your feelings with anyone... did that include your mother? Or is it that you've learned that 'love' IS enmeshment, and that if someone is not a part of every intimate detail of your life then you do not feel loved?

I wonder... if there were one thing your mother could give you if she were alive today, what would it be?
And if there were one thing you *wouldn't* want your mother to do or say (but she probably would) what would that be?
They're just rhetorical questions really and you don't need to answer them. Just stuff to think about.