((((Rainbow)))) You got such wonderful responses here with so much thought put into each one.

There were certain things that struck me. The posts of Blooms struck me as true for how I know you. That the pain IS the progress. It does seem like this kind of pain, coming from this particular place with this T is from a different angle and that the progress can be almost not perceiveable (spelling?) at times, but that it is like hair growing....slow but noticable over time.

I found for me that the reason I can go over and over the same issue with the same of different therapists is that I have not gone through the issue in the way I need to in order to resolve it for me. I dont believe it is not resolvable, I believe that it keeps coming back because I am not done with it. I have not dealt with it in the way my mind needs to....and unfortunately, I dont always know how I need to deal it or waht exactly "IT" is. Its sort of like trial and errro.

What helped me a lot with the mommy stuff was using my feelings about desk-T as a "medium" between how I felt with my mother. She was a trigger, as was bt for you. What did she trigger for you? Another thought...I( know your mom (and dad) loved you, adored you, and did everything they could for you. Does this mean they met your needs? I dont know. What do you think? Is it possible that doing SO MUCH for you was sort of dis-abling? Made you depend on them more than have confidence in your own abilities? There is a lot of pressure in having a mother live her life for you. And, in a way, it is a soothing thing and a feeling I would crave....to have someone smother me with their love so all I have to do is breathe on my own and she will do the rest out of love for ME. That feels so good....just like sitting on a mommy's lap and being curl up and be cuddled forever. I have wanted that from my therapist. And a therapist telling me to get it from my own life and the people around me feels like rejection. And abandonment.

What do you think? Am I way off?