Actually, I wish I
could relate to this. My episodes started with deep depressions and the primary insomnia when I was about 8 years old and the hypomania, anorexia, anxiety, and PTSD kicked in at about 15 years old. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 17 years old (my parents thought I was just a lazy brat) so I never had any "normal" life that I can remember.
I can relate to the feelings of incompetence and feeling defective though. I'm grateful that I found this board; at least I don't feel so alone anymore.
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From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too."