Okay! I found a Grad student from the University here that specializes in the area I'm struggling with. He won't be back until August, but thank goodness that professor I emailed found someone for me! That was awesome. I should send a thank you.

So. I also scheduled 2 photo shoots....I haven't done any shoots since last year, as I've gained about 10 lbs. and don't want my portfolio to be false advertising...so the ED is creeping back up, but I just want to be motivated. My weight dropped from this episode of "low", and at least it's something to do...it's fun to get all glammed up by a makeup artist.

The first shoot will be for a wedding dress company....I hope I don't cry ridiculously...my first marriage was rough. How am I going to depict such a happy day in someone's life? Hah.

Oh well. At least I'm moving forward in some areas! =)

Oh! I emailed a couple of local models in the area...and basically said "I need friends!" (In a fun, nice way...lol). One was very responsive and we have a coffee date set up! They actually usually aren't shallow - they're just like the rest of us.

I wish I could hide in a potato sack when I go in public...people look at me as if I'm an alien. It really makes me uncomfortable because I'm already socially anxious....and I know they're looking because of how I look, but it really unnerves me. I'm happy to live in the country and not have to deal with people a lot. I've never liked attention...and it's like these people have never seen a model. It also makes me a target....one guy tried to run me off the road. I need to get a concealed permit so I can take along some heat to shoots, just in case. I guess I shouldn't gripe about it, but it makes me feel really weird. Girls don't like me (Does anyone listen to Ani Difranco? I did as a teen, but I don't now for triggering reasons, but in one song she says, "Everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room), and guys just want to um......It doesn't help that I'm a quick-thinker. =P

I know I shouldn't complain about good looks...god...listen to me. I just want to be normal, though.

(PS - I spend a lot of my free time researching old crime cases that Law Enforcement doesn't have time to...it's really fulfilling and allows me to help when I can, and behind my 'puter...but that work has made me ultra-aware of the dangers of the world...I will NOT be one of those girls to go missing. I will not.)