Hi Duchess
First think you are no fail;ure, It is just only in your thoughts.
You will find what you want again and happier days will come.I know exactly what you mean by Stupid PTSD, I have it too.
I know it can take a lot out of you., it not your fault.o-kay!!!!
Is going home a positive place for you? Are you on any meds?
I take Seroqual(quatipine) for mythoughts and it can help.
I have lost a lot in my life also but I try and look at it and say"WeLL AT LEAST I HAD ---FOR ____AMOUNT OF TIME< so what is next for me"
I try and put a positive spin on things.
I know this does mot really take away all the hurt , but it helps a little.
Are you seeing a Therapist? Sometimes that can help also, they can help you put things more into perspective if they are any good and help you sort through the bad and help set new goals.
Hopeing this was a little helpful
Keep us posted it is a great place.
Take Care