Big Trigger


This is what happens when I push myself too hard after coming out of the hospital a month ago.

I chickened out on going to my son's school trip this morning, made my husband scramble to get him another chaperone, had my dad take my youngest to his house as planned and now I am alone having bad thoughts.

It is like all my symptoms came flooding back to overwhelm me this morning.

I held a razor blade to my hand and pressed and it made a tiny little cut, ao tiny that it looks like the smallest of paper cuts.

I have been scratching at my wrist hoping that my fingernail is sharp enough to cut through.

I've gone crazy again and I am afraid to let anyone know. They'll cart me back to the hospital and I don't want to go because maybe I will get better tomorrow.

I am shaking and I don't know what to do.