BNLsMOM - talk to me here and I'll do my best to make you feel better!
Please don't hurt yourself - you know you are causing yourself unnecessary physical pain, and unfortunately this is not going to help your emotional pain - they are very different.
Do you have any anti-anxiety/sedating pills you can take? Or a sleeping tablet, so sedate you a bit and just slow your thinking down?
Don't go read unnecessary posts on PC for now, as you never know which one can trigger you.
Do you have a pet you can go and cuddle with?
Do you feel your medicines are doing you justice, or is it time to call your pdoc and get your meds adjusted?
Just think about your kids and how they look up to you, and love you - they'd hate to see you in this state. You deserve to be happy, if only for their sake.
Have you been through these spells before - how long do they usually last? I can empathise with not wanting to go to hospital because you could feel better tomorrow, but if there's any chance this can last a few days, hospital may be best for you. You don't want to lose total control of yourself - asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of
(((HUGS)))