I don't even know where, or how to start.

My daughter was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder about a year ago. We knew prior to that something was wrong, because we had nights where we'd be up until 5 i nthe morning trying to get her to sleep, and she'd want to vacuum, or clean, or ramble on about nonsense while giggling.

I grew up in a house with a bipolar mother, so I'm use to some of it to a degree. However, it's so much different when it's your baby. She's on meds now and for some time, we got some improvements. She's sleeping at night now, but our daytime behaviors seem to be increasing. They adjusted her meds a couple of times and we see a month or two of positive behavior, then it's back to slumps.

This week, I think has broke me. She started in with the look in her eye, the look that we know all to well. She started smacking herself and I said "why would you hit yourself" she said "because I want to hurt myself" i seen a bruise on her arm, and after some talking she told me she did it to herself wishing it was me she was pinching.

I thought I had her calmed down and I asked her to talk. She said "I'll hurt myself if I want to" and bashed her face off the floor before I could stop her and shattered her nose, then smiled at me while blood covered ran from her nose.

We take her to the ER as we have many times before and they're telling us she needs to go in patient when the next "shift" starts.

I'm heartbroken. She's 6 years old, brilliant, lovely and just a sweet little girl when she's not up cycling. She's reading at a 3rd grade level in kindergarten. She's cuddly and says the sweetest things.

It's like we have two children living in one little body. She's unaware of her logic after a rage fit has happened. "Daddy, why did I hit you" I will respond "I don't know sweety, it hurt daddy, why did you hit me" she'll respond along the lines of "I don't remember doing it that much"

I don't mind the black eyes, I'm a large man ad getting beat up doesn't hurt me in the least. It hurts my heart, twice. One knowing a part of her wants to hurt me. Then, knowing the other part of her is hurting for trying to destroy someone she loves.

Currently, today she's at my mothers house. She told me a few weeks ago "daddy, I dont' want to live here anymore" I asked her why and told her she's our baby and we didn't want to be without her and she said "because I'm so tired of hurting you and feeling bad about it"

We're lost. We don't know what to do anymore. I'm a stay at home father and I have been since my oldest was a newborn. My wife makes a very comfortable living for us, so financially we're able to do many things for Sis. It seems like nothing is working. We've done books, we've done videos, we do weekly therapy along with monthly visits to the pill guy. We socialize her (and my other two) in multiple environments almost daily. The Zoo, children museum, parks, many places as per one of the many books we read suggested.

none of this is helping. How are others dealing with this situation? How are you keeping your sanity? Every day it's something. A parent coming over telling me she's hit one of their kids, something expensive like a plasma TV getting a cup thrown through it, Tooth paste in the toaster, you name it. I'm wearing out, and while she's gone this week it's been pleasant. It's been quiet. I've not had to pull her off her brothers, I've not had to pick up glass from her throwing cups, I've not had to pick up 6 boxes of cereal ground into my carpets. I've not gotten beat up for trying to talk her out of dumping cereal on the carpets.

What the hell are other parents doing? I want a calm, normal, quiet and somewhat reasonable living environment. I know this was long, but I had to get it off my chest. I need some advice on what to do. I'm with her 24 hours a day and I'm just wearing out.