Feeling really down.

What else can I do? I use my little bit of energy to take care of the house, laundry, cleaning, picking up some groceries. What is left over goes to art.

I know I should just go get some job. At least earn something. I get so angry at myself for not working. But when I look online or think about going into a shop to see if they need help I just... can't do it. I feel so exhausted today. What is it about depression and tiredness?

I really fear the rejection of the place saying they're not hiring. I know this says nothing about me as a person, still it makes everything feel pointless, hopeless. But then the idea of starting something new makes me feel so worn out.

I'm never going to have the energy. This is just one monday in many. Sometimes I have this weird wish that I could just be the one who takes care of our home - and then have a little time to paint. However, my partner can't support us both. I just don't know how to make money. I used to do it. The most I ever made (24K/yr) was when I worked as a registrar for a community center. It felt so off. Like it wasn't me. I feel like I go together with money like oil goes with water. I don't overspend. I just don't understand how to earn it without feeling horrible.

Sorry for my rambling post.

E