Oh my gosh, thank you all for your awesome loving support. I PC!

MUE, I think I am using my skills actually pretty well! I am handling this much better than I could have. Here are a couple of things I did:

- cry, a lot, which made me feel better actually
- talk to my brother and sister, a lot
- watch a movie about how men are all a-holes
- text my friends
- go on an online dating site, where now there are several guys actively messaging me, one of which is VERY cute (well, from his profile ) - much cuter than this stupid guy.

I am recovering much faster than expected! I guess therapy pays off in these mysterious ways.

rainbow, thanks! I am going to swallow my pride and go back to T, despite my email. Blah. I wish I hadn't sent that email to her because now I feel pretty pathetic. Oh well. This was just one session. Maybe we can work things out. And I DO deserve better than this guy! I guess some people don't think like I do about these things.. maybe my heart is too wide open, but I'm not sure I want to change that about myself. Like the Jewel song, "I'm sensitive, and I'd like to stay that way." So I just need to find someone who is careful with my heart. I don't want to get jaded. I really don't.

zoo, you are right -- at least I found out now. At least I was able to have this conversation with him, and he was honest with me when it finally came up. He could have just told me what I wanted to hear and hurt me much worse. I'm still mad, though -- and very disapproving of his behavior.

traction, that's exactly what I wish this guy had done -- given me a choice. I didn't consent to being just one of his girls -- I wouldn't have chosen it if I had known. As for T, maybe I should write out all my thoughts on what is going on and just hand it to her. I am so much more fluent in writing. I am terrible at getting words out of my mouth sometimes. I try to speak and I just clam up. Part of the trouble with this session is I couldn't say everything I was thinking. I just couldn't get the words out. It's so hard to talk about this stuff.

(((wepow))) thanks for reminding me that I'm actually doing well with this. I'm letting myself feel how hurt this guy made me feel. I'm not stuffing it away. I even had the urge to do that -- to wall it up, to not speak of it at all -- and I wasn't crying, I thought I was fine -- and then I chose to talk to my brother about it, and that's when the floodgates opened. I don't deserve this treatment. This guy hurt me, and I deserve to be treated as a human being. It hurts to not be SEEN, you know? It's like, I let him see me in an intimate way, and he didn't SEE. And it hurts. And it's ok that it hurts. Because the fact that it hurts to be treated that way, means I value myself more than that. I am worth something. It's ok to think I am worth something.

geez, I guess this is a learning experience. I guess in the future I will just have to be more blunt, earlier on, before I am emotionally invested, about what I am looking for in a relationship. I don't want to waste time with someone who is not on the same page as I am. I may be young, but when I get into a relationship, I consider long-term potential to be the most important thing in the relationship. And for me, long-term potential means dating a guy who wants marriage, kids, and settling down (eventually, but not right now). Also it means dating a guy who is compassionate, intelligent, and honest. So I guess I will have to start out by looking for those things, instead of getting all wrapped up in my chemical reaction, the strong feelings I have in romantic situations. *sigh*

Blue, I think you are right about T -- she doesn't know exactly what to do. Also, since part of my problem is being unable to say certain things, she doesn't even know the full thing of what is going on. So I imagine this is pretty frustrating for her. Maybe if I can find a way to write things down, that will make it easier.

Maybe there were signs I didn't see -- I don't know! I wish I could go back in time and re-analyze our conversations to see what I missed! This guy seemed like a nice, normal, kind-hearted guy! He was even awkward and self-deprecating at times, though very fun to be around. He did not seem like a bad boy! Is it unreasonable to expect exclusivity after 6 dates? FYI, this was over a period of 7 weeks -- almost 2 months -- of dating once/week (skipping one week because he was at a music festival). And I definitely think the exclusive talk is 100% required (for me) before starting physical stuff.. I just can't do it any other way. Six dates later, most people start to expect that things get physical. And honestly, I'm craving it too. And I just can't say no when it starts. So somehow having the exclusive talk needs to be ok at 6 dates -- even if that means scaring someone away. Blah.

I think what hurts the most is that I am sooooooo lonely. I miss my ex, I miss having someone sleeping in my bed. Like you were before, I want love NOW. I crave connection and his behavior crushed me because it reminded me just how lonely I really am. I even considered trying to be friends with benefits with him, just to have physical contact with somebody. But I know I couldn't handle that emotionally - I am not that kind of person.

(((googley))) I'm so sorry about what is going on with you. I haven't been able to support lately and I am so sorry about that. Your last thread brought me to tears thanks for providing support anyway to me. Thanks for being so validating -- I don't think it was unreasonable to want to be exclusive if we were going to be sexually active.

((((((granite)))))) thanks so much for the hugs.

BLAH. Stupid men!

Maybe one of those guys I contacted online will work out? Maybe the super cute one? He makes good money, too! Or maybe the other guy, the 30 year old -- older than I've ever dated, but he seems so sweet and we ranted together about how we don't get how people can just have random hookups. It's helping me to have these other guys interested in me There are more fish in the sea..