((((((((((((((solar)))))))))))))))

It took me a long time for me to really REALLY believe that T cares about me as a person. I'm sure he's always cared about me as a client - in that "I want to see you get better" kind of way - but I think that it takes time for a relationship with deep caring to develop. I have no doubt at ALL that my therapist cares about me now...but it took a lot of time, and a lot of work, and a lot of dismantling of defenses, and a lot of willingness to be vulnerable before I could really understand and FEEL that he cares.

Before I stopped working to be at home with my kids, I worked in the mental health field, with a caseload of clients. I really did care about each of them...I could see how hard they were working, and how much they struggled, and I wanted to see them succeed. There were some that I genuinely loved. We just connected. It's been over 10 years since I worked with them, and I still think of them fondly, and wonder how they're doing.

I talked to T about that once, about how there were certain clients that still stand out to me, and he told me I am one of those clients for him. And I BELIEVE him...but only because of the time and work that we've done to get to this point.

(((((((((((((Solar)))))))))))))))))))) You ask such good questions, and you are SO deserving of caring. I think early in therapy, it can be hard to "get" that we are deserving of love and care, and, for me, it was almost instinct to push any caring as far away from me as I could. Accepting love is a vulnerable thing.