SWA,
You should keep going and working on recovering.
It is normal to have those feelings of wanting to relapse.
Gaining is ridiculously hard.
I know what it feels like to feel fat even though you logically know you are not. Try to focus on the logical thoughts.
Most people with ED have distorted views of what they look like, but keep focusing on being healthy.

You said you were in therapy until August - are you still seeing a T? It helps to have someone to talk to about this stuff.

Don't give up. It is hard but you are worth it.