As well as beeing a beeper and having panic and anxiety disroders, I'm also an 11 years sober member of AA.

In my AA meetings there is so much ignorance and bigotry about mental illness, but not with everyone. There is one lady, many years sober, a staunch Catholic and one who really lives her faith who is also a volunteer with the phone with Lifeline. (Which over the years I have rung about Um, a million times - never spoken to her on Lifeline though). She deals with Dual Diagnosis all the time on the phone, that addiction and mental illness so often go together. And I have a real sense that while she is quiet about it, she does understand the profound levels of suffering and loss involved for people with DD as opposed to peope with addiction alone. And the prodound loneliness and isolation we endure.

Every now and again, when we sit down for the meeting, she'll sit next to me and quiety slip something into my hand. Sometimes it's one of those little enamelled pieces with a prayer on it. Her passionate hobby is to drill down gemstones - not valuable stuff just pretty stones into all sorts of shapes or uses. She gave me a lovely amber piece in a tear-drop shape on a key chain. Then today, without saying anything, she just softly slipped something different again into my hand. It is a ring. She explained it's made of Mother of Pearl. On the top it seems like a flower motif, or maybe the sun, maybe both together. I slipped it on my right ring finger and would you believe it fits perfectly. I wasn't sure it was really meant for me - I asked her, "Is that really for me?'' And she nodded, "Yes". She makes no fanfare about any of this and just rubs my hand or my shoulder when she does it.

I haven't worn a ring for years - I'm very plain that way, I only wear a wrist watch. I think with illness I try to be as low maintenance as possible -I don't even wear earrings anymore.

But this ring ain't going nowhere. I can't stop looking at it and feeling its texture. When she does these things, it makes me feel not only loved (crying now) but that someone would even just THINK OF ME. What she does is an incredible gift - even if they are trinkets not worth dollar value (which I don't care about anyway) , they are incredible value to me. Literally like little islands in a sea of loneliness. Thank good ness for that lady.