I usually do that...constantly apologize. Is there a reason you feel as though you're BPI rather than BPII? I'm sorry you're feeling badly, Suga. If you feel as though you need to relax a little, I don't see how it would hurt to take a benzo if they help.

Have you given any of those close to you literature on BPD? Do they know you're BP? Sometimes it's really liberating to come clean to those you love about it....a lot are more understanding that I could have imagined.

Get this: it wasn't until I was inpatient that BF told me HE was BPI!!!! There's such a stigma.