Your writing is very powerful, LaCaBe. Even though what you shared was very painful, I enjoyed reading for the power and yes, artistry, there.

Yes, there is life after divorce. I have separated and divorced in the last couple of years and feel happier now than I have for years. It is great to be on my own. From what you wrote, where you were at in life was no picnic, so there will be some positive in not being married anymore.

I urge you not to let the courts take control of the dissolution. If you are not able to support yourself, especially if you gave up education and career opportunities due to the marriage, especially if you are disabled, you should get more than 50%. Yes, it's hard to go through all of the divorce c**p but don't be passive, feel bad about yourself, and let them award you whatever. Make sure your situation is factored in to the settlement. You can be passive and rest and recuperate after it is over.

LaCaBe, you know the marriage is over, so if you can be amicable, do it. It will not make this process easier if it is more conflictual then it has to be. Couples who split amicably save themselves grief and stress (and money to the lawyers). You only help yourself. When you are through it, you can have zero contact and moan about him to your heart's content. (Your writing is so powerful, you could write an incredibly searing volume of poems.) But if at all possible, do yourself a favor and split amicably. However, divorcing amicably doesn't mean you lay down and play dead and accept 3 cents to his dollar for every year of marriage. Be strong, but civil. I recommend:
Fair Share Divorce for Women by Kathleen Miller

And for poetic inspiration, try Marge Piercy's book of poems, Stone, Paper, Knife. Your writing reminds me of her.

Good luck to you. It is better on the other side.