Trippin2.0! read you now!
I wish I could make you feel better by saying: so at least you know. at least the label is there. so what? remember - what's normal after all and what isn't? at least you know and don't need to go through life with the doubt...

I understand it is hard, for i' m in search of the diagnosis too. my doctor gives me lithium but doesn't want to call things by their name. i am taking all BD medicines availble (little exagerated) but have no diagnosis. all you wrote are thoughts also passing through my mind. the genetics, the origin of this, the curse, and thoughts like would it have been any different if....?

But never forget how far you came. you raise a daughter, alone, you work, you are here and write and rel8 to others... so you CAN rely on yourself. you ARE strobng enought to take and do this, and you WILL be strong enought to get through this.

and we are all here to share this with you and walk through there together. yu are absolutely not alone in this.

thinking of you xx