I understand how you are feeling as I have the same problems in my relationship. It has left me feeling degraded, humiliated, hurt and incredibly confused. People have been telling me for three years that he will not change....and finally now I believe them. I have also asked my partner to go to counselling and he has refused. I now put this down to the fact that deep down he knows what he is doing is wrong on so many levels, but if he went to counselling, he would have to admit the problem, confront it, and then do something about it. I know he won't do this because it's all about control, and people who have that need for control won't do anything to lose it. I have chosen not to be a part of this any more, no more humiliation or degradation for the sake of someone else. I am getting a support network together to help me through the process of leaving and I feel better already. I hope you find the support you need to help you with whatever you decide.