Most of my adult life, I've found fault with my ex husband and felt HE was the cause of the failure of the marriage. Only recently, within the past 6 months or so, have I begun to acknowledge that I was at fault also. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret divorcing him after 20 years, but I recognize my own shortcomings. This is not in the form of self-recrimination so much as to realize how ill-suited we were for each other, and also how much I lacked in self-awareness of my own needs. I was like a feather floating around and attaching myself to anyone and then trying to adapt, trying to squeeze blood out of a turnip.

It's kind of freeing to come to this kind of realization. I have the same feelings about the post-divorce dating relationships in which the endings found me wallowing in self-pity. Rather than seeing myself as a victim in these debacles, I now see that I was a full participant who stayed much longer than was rational. Hindsight is great!

Just wanted to share!
Patty