Hello Emarald
This is my fist time here and was struck by the similarities I identify with although I am a male and probably a lot older than you. Unfortunately I am not able to offer advice. After dropping out of high school things did improve in my early twenties when afetr I started taking medication for depression (a tricyclic called Limbritol F and Reactivan - which is now a banned substance in most countries. However my circumstances were compounded by alcoholic drinking until I was 27. I progressed well in my job and became a director of a large company by the age of 37. By then I was seen as an extrovert with clear thought processes. Only I knew the uncertainty that lay beneath the surface. Shortly afterwards I cut our the Reactivan and began a process of moving from one anti-depressant ot another, biut without success. Five years ago I was dianosed with Bi Polar Disorder II but the mediacations, like all the others since the original cocktail, did not work. In the meanwhile I started smoking pot - which further complicates matters but gives me a few hours respite from things. I don't recommend it as it is harmful to lungs and has other side effects. Over the past two years I have been trying to give up my medications - they make me feel "heavy" without feeling much differnt. This got me thinking about my original meds and have come to conclusion that it was the reactivan that probably helped me in my twenties and thirties and that my dianoses as depressive and Bipolar have actually been obscuring what I think the real problem is ADD and that Reactivan was in fact helping in ways I did not realise. I did an online test today for ADD and had a score of 104 on a scale where 70+ was thought to be a severe form of ADD. However I'm not holding my breath about it until I see a properly qualified doctor.
I sorry if this does not help you with your problem, but I think I was trying to show that if you receive the right medication you may well get the relief I did - at least for the 17 years a took that specific mix of medication. Perservere. Good luck