Before my diagnosis, I thought all was well. My personal and career life were upswing until BP hit me while I was supposedly completing a PhD abroad. I did not even complete the first year. I was so devastated. I had some disappointments in the past but this is my first feeling of a hard downfall. Now I think I am quite angry with some people who I think contributed to my breakdown. In my normal moods, this feeling do not get in the way but when I feel depressed, these feelings rush in and it becomes now a cycle of anger, frustration, envy, self-pity, incompetency, blaming myself, blaming others...then inside me is a cry: 'HOW CAN I GET BACK TO MY OLD HAPPY SELF?...THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING ME'...Then afterwards I feel so guilty of thinking bad about others and myself. This is what shatters me actually...On the outside, things seem well and in place...but on depressed moments...there is a battle inside of me. I don't want to get it out of hand lest I experienced an acute dysphoric state when I fear I am going crazy. I don't like the feeling that I am a bad person. HELP!