Speaking from experience as being a needy, clingy woman, I found that most men preferred an independent and confident person. When I slipped into the dependent mode, men would find it sweet at first but they quickly tired of my many phone calls, leaning on them, barely giving them room to move, and my act of general helplessness. This part of my personality, I now know is part of my bpd and doesn't say who I really am. It has been a slow process in my development, but I don't seem to need the confirmation of "belonging" to someone. I can have my own opinions without worrying whether my husband will approve or not, because I am confident that he will respect my decisions. These are not the 'good old days' where men take of women. These are the days when men and women take care of each other. When I slip back into the mode of a clingy person, I check my mental status and usually find that my anxiety is going out of control. Most days I find that I enjoy being independent; my confidence soars and it shows when I interact with others. These are the attractive qualities that brings people to me. Not the tears, hanging on his arm, doing everything for him, and giving up my identity. I'm not sure this answers your question but I hope it gives you something to think about. Celebrate who you really are. Keep the faith.