((((((((((((((CMFox))))))))))))))))

unfortunately, i think it is less a case of malicious personality and borderline personality as it is just plain a reaction to everything she's been through.

there is a void there, in her heart, in her mind. she knows that she is missing something and she is trying to make it be there without allowing herself to heal enough for it to be there on its own. she wants to love, to enjoy life... she can't though because of everything she hasn't resolved. and that isn't her fault...it's just the way it is.

healing hurts. trying to resolve issues like the ones she has to deal with hurts really bad. it is reliving the incidents over and over, it is body memories and flashbacks and panic attacks and nightmares. it is misery in a lot of ways.

she isn't trying to hurt you and she's not trying to hurt Kate. it has nothing to do with either of you, unfortunately. i know that doesn't stop you from being hurt...but that isn't what she set out to do.

many survivors that i know struggle with the "push you away-pull you close" mentality. for a lot of us life has to be broken down into black and white, it has to be split and dichotomous. when in reality, most things in life are mixtures of good and bad. if we could adjust to hold both the good and bad in our heads at the same time then maybe our moods wouldn't be so mercurial.

my heart goes out to Sarah...she is in so much pain and she may not even know it.

my heart also goes out to you... i wish that i could help more.

Sarah varied between the two extremes with you and Kate because she doesn't know how to see the gray between the two. She doesn't know how to love you and be annoyed at the same time...it is a hard thing to learn when you have sliced the world neatly down the middle just so that you could make it from one day to the next. It is going to take her lots of time and healing and therapy to do it. i know.

I know you are hurt, and i'm sorry for your pain. Feel free to vent here anytime and i hope that i am helping some. if there's anything else i can do, let me know.


shadow