I had therapy and it made me dissociate. It is hard to make my mind think.

I feel trapped. I don't want to stay frozen because it is horrd floating and everything being so noisy and looming but I don't want to do any of the grounding techniques because they seem too...big. I can't find the right word. I don't want to be aware of myself because I don't want to be me! I don't want to be trapped in this body but I can't stand the noise in my head either.

Just spent last hour curled up on the floor next to the fire staring into nothingness. My head is killing me. I'm going to have to take some painkillers, hopefully that will stop my eyes feeling as though they are going to explode out of their sockets.

???????????????????

Edit: Just found this: "Focusing inwards and internally visualizing a safe scene can help an individual to quickly relax. There are no limits to the creativity or imagination an individual may employ in the safe scene work. Safe scenes include items within which can contribute to an even greater feeling of safety and security, such as walls, moats, containment images". I can do this because I find I often do it naturally when things feel to overwhelming. I go camping lots in my mind, wild scary outdoors with lots of bears but inside the small tent there is a lamp and a comfy bed and everything is soft on the floor, and it is all within reach of me. It is all safe, I am hidden from everything outside and never need leave. I wish that was reality!