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turquoisesea · Jun 09, 2010, 07:30 PM

I'm really upset right now because of some things with my boyfriend. Also, have a lot to talk about in therapy and no motivation to do ANYTHING/get anything done.

I feel GUILTY because he's done so much for me and I feel I've done so little for him.
But I'm also realizing I haven't been ABLE To do anything for him because he has been holding back stuff from me. He always keeps his upset feelings from me, he's always trying to make the relationship about ME.

But that makes me feel horrible guilty and greedy because I just keep taking and taking.

He can't even take care of himself - i was away just under 2 weeks and I come back with the apartment a mess, him lost weight because he hadn't eaten right etc. He keeps STAYING UP , and some/lots is to be with me but he's sleep deprived as a result, and no matter what I do I can't get him to go to bed and it's always MY FAULT (like today I wanted to take longer at the store so we ended up later, and then because I was upset about it it took longer). Or yesterday when he decided he really wanted to finish the night by taking me to dinner but I had therapy so we went OUT to dinner 2 hours after he should have gone to bed!

I keep begging him to take care of himself, and to not put me first ALWAYS, to be honest and bring his issues and thoughts to the table. It sometimes take a full MINUTE for him to start talking to answer a simple question and it drives me nuts. I can BARELY keep myself well and ok, I can't take care of another person too (make him eat? decide what he should eat because he can't make up his mind and is taking 30 minutes to choose, remind him to brush his teeth because he forgets, remind him the cat box stinks and I've given him an ultimatum on that, remind him to call a therapist because he needs it - but he doesn't think he does).

It's so hard because he got out of work 2 hours late. I don't have a car while he's gone it's like my day was only 2 hours long today.

So sad depressed lonely right now. No friends in the area other than him

EDIT: he does love me/care for me/is not trying to do this. He just does. I'm very depressed lately and going to be having 2 therapy sessions a week plus hopefully a meeting about medication.