Hello & Welcome, Not_an_idealist!
Your post indicates you've already invested much in self-analysis, and your conclusions should be taken seriously. You've identified both long-term and short-term challenges. I believe you are in the right place, and there are several other right places for you at PsychCentral:
survivor of abuse/parental absence,
adult child of a "drunk" (alcoholic?),
depressive, possibly others (
anxiety?).
PsychCentral's Online Resources
Anger Management Resources
Anger, especially my own, frightens me. You're targeting one of the big problems, and the more resources you can bring to the fight the better.
__________________
My dog
mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.