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Elysium · Jun 10, 2010, 03:36 AM

I'm sorry....

I don't post here often. I read a lot, but sometimes I don't cause it's hard to hear everyone's pain.

I am having a really low night. I keep thinking about how much I hate my life. I really do hate it. I'm 33, I have no family....no love in my life....no kids....I don't own a house...couldn't buy one now if I wanted too....I have a career and I make pretty good money...but for some reason, this doesn't feel like much.

I hate whining like this because I don't have it bad. I am really blessed. I have an apartment with heat, water, and electricity, I have a car that runs and is reliable, I have my animal family (who mean the world to me), and I don't know why all these things just don't feel good. A lot of people don't even have these things. Why can't I just feel satisfied and content?

I just feel like if I went away....no on would really care. Even now, I feel like I'm just looking for attention....like I need a whambulance....but I'm really hurting. I can't believe how much I hate my life....and how much I have to lie to myself to keep myself going, otherwise I would self destruct.

I don't even feel like I've been doing good here at PC lately. I used to be able to support so many...now I feel like I'm not really supporting anyone.

I don't remember a time when I didn't hate my life....and I don't know why I just can't pull my head out of it.

I just want to know what it feels like to wake up and think "Aahh, another beautiful day", as opposed to "Not another day", which is what I am really thinking. I'm only pretending to be happy and perfect. I'm miserable....and I hate it.