Hi Guys...

After I was dxd last Friday, I mentioned in my thread that "bf" was being so supportive...

That same weekend, I flew off the handle at him, for no good reason (he didn't respond to my sms immediately) I was accusing him of not wanting to spend time with me,completely unreasonable, I know, but it's one of my "defects" that remind me to stay single!

Anyway, I felt like such a B*^%$ because he was giving me the silent treatment, which btw I DESERVED, as I KNOW I was being irrational, and emotionally childish, but somehow could not stop myself... I sent profuse apologies via sms and mxit all week, even HONESTLY told him, that if he wanted to cut ties, I'd understand, cos I have no excuse for my stupid behavior, and didn't know how to fix it, and that he\s probably drained by now and he really deserves WAY better... (Felt sad about that decision, but it was made in the right frame of mind & I was "at peace" with it...)

To cut a LONG convoluted story short: I feel even worse!
He finally made contact last night, and told me the reason he was giving me the silent treatment was not because he was upset with me, but because he's messed up depressed b/c of financial and personal issues, and didn't want to bug me, or influence my current mood...

OMW, do u see why I feel like an even BIGGER idiot now?

I was sO self-absorbed, worrying about my dx that I DIDN'T NOTICE HE WAS OFFISH ON FRIDAY, and just doing his best to make ME feel better

Me; the person that's usually empathetic toward random strangers, me; that's known this man for 10yrs! Me;supposed close friend/lover...couldn't see he was in sO much pain b/c WONDERFUL me; was sO self-absorbed and "apart" from what was actually REALLY happening around me

I spent sO much time and energy being upset with him, that I ended up completely abandoning him in his time of need, because MY issues were sO huge I was blinded...

Guess I just needed to say how I feel where I might be understood, have any of you experienced something similar?
Do you perhaps know why I'm so self-obsessed lately? Why I'm oblivious to the obvious?
I'm completely UNFAMILIAR with this aspect of my personality, I'm usually the giver, in all kinds of relationships, so this is quite an unnerving experience for me...

Feel sO bad about the whole thing, and don't know how to make it up to him...

Any input/insight/advice is welcomed, THAT'S WHY I'M POSTING