Thanks, Perna. I do not find that being super smart is a requirement for someone I like or love but I am forced to make all the decisions in life from where and when we go on vacation down to trying to fixing our marriage. I find myself asking him which way to turn on a street even though I know, or can figure it out for myself- but I don't want to make the decision anymore. I decide what car we buy, what food we eat, how and when the bills get paid, what we do with our spare time, etc. This is not entirely by choice. I do not think he is stupid, but we both lack in coping skills. All the pressure to do, do, do is enormous. He's not the only one screwing it up. I do most of that all by myself. I know that I have to change to make it better. I just wish he would give me some attention now and then. When he doesn't, I get sooo depressed. I feel worthless and deservingly unloved. All I want to do is spend time with him doing more that watching tv, taking care of and discussing our 4 kids. I would like to be valued-treated like a woman, not a fixture.
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Originally Posted by Perna
Yes, hi, sillywoman, welcome he PsychCentral.
It does sound like this is one of the things you'll have to decide to fix? It's your life and what you want to do with it is all that is really important. I'm sorry you don't feel you can work with your husband. Mine is laid back but definitely not a door mat. How is it you two got married; it doesn't sound like his behavior surprises or frustrates you in a why-doesn't-he-do-something? sort of way?
I have found the intellectual thing can be deceiving. Even if you are smarter than he is, don't forget that two-thirds of the world's population is average or below average and we smart ones  do well to learn to communicate and get along with them. There are innumerable attributes that everyone has in a variety of strengths and "smarts" is just one of them. It's not all that high on my list of most desirable in other people and isn't anywhere on my list of those I like in myself. |