I am starting to obsess about the way I look again, and it's getting pretty bad. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, and I look at photos of my friends to see just how better looking they are. I have one friend who is amazingly good looking, I have spent hours at a time in the past looking through all her photos on Facebook.
The disgust with my appearance is so bad that it makes me wish I would just hurry up and die. I'm really ashamed when I go out with friends, one of the very first things that comes into my head is how crap I am going to look. If people invite me out I end up in tears every time I get ready because no matter how much I try I still look like s__t.
A friend has invited me out in a few weeks to something I probably won't even go to because of the alcohol, but I'm already thinking about all the people that are going to be there, some of them might be good looking, I have to exercise to get rid of my stomach by then, I have to find something I look good in, I have to try and get my skin clear, etc., etc., etc.

I used to be thin until my idiot doctor put me on medication I didn't need and made me gain weight. I'm not OVERWEIGHT, but I have a big stomach now, lots of stretchmarks, I'm starting to get a double chin. People have even started poking me in the stomach before and making comments. I can't tell you how humiliating that is.

My skin is bad, not just on my face, I can't wear singlet tops or dresses. I have started antibiotics but they haven't been working. And my skin looks so old, I have wrinkles and I'm only 22. I also have dark circles under my eyes and bags which I get from my father. I can't do anything about them unless I had surgery, which I am really considering. That goes for my ears as well, they really stick out so I can't do my hair up.

I bite my nails, I've been trying to grow them and some of them I have, but I still bits the others (to the point they have started to bleed a few times). They are so disgusting, they keep breaking which tempts me, and then when I do bite then I feel so disappointed in myself.

And one of the things I hate the most is my teeth, the last time I went to a dentist was 14 years ago when I was 8. But now my bottom teeth are really crooked and my top teeth are worn from me grinding them for years. Now I am going to have to pay thousands if I want them fixed, because my mother never bothered to do anything when I was a kid.

I could go on all day telling you everything. I hate feeling this way, I hate obsessing this way. But I really don't like the whole 'it's what's on the inside that counts' stuff. People are going to judge me on my appearance, and yes other people's opinions of me is very important.
People used to always talk about how thin I was, that I should be a model, now the only 'compliment' I get is 'oh your eyes are a strange colour'.
I really hate myself for it all. I've never really talked about all this to most people, I don't want to appear as though I'm fishing for comments, I know a lot of girls do that. I just needed to get this off my chest because I've letting it get to me for so long.