i put the trigger icon do to some mention of SI




so i know i have been posting a lot these last few weeks and im sorry and want to say thanks to everyone who is taking the time to help and read my posts it means a lot.and it is really helpfull.THANKS

so lastnight i had the worst dream ever.i know it has to do with my fear of going back to see my T after so long but it was so strange i gust want to share it.it wasnt so much about seeing my T as it was about going in her office.infact T wasnt even in the dream it was just her office.I wakled in and the pain was way bad i dont mean just emotional pain but also physical paingoin through my whole body.it was real bad.i couldnt handle the pain of touching the floor or looking at anything that belonged to her if i did the physical pain was so bad and then what ever i was looing at would just crumple into pieces.everything i looked at or touched caused huge physical pain.exsept i was able to sit in the chair because that was mine from home dont know why that was thare but it was and it was ok.but the pain was bad i couldnt deal with anything hers.then it moved on to the SI.she has a coffee table that is next to the chair i sit in and in my dream if i tried to look at anything around in her office or even think anything or open my mouth to talk i would put my arm on that table and stick this needle through my fore arm and then it just seemed like things in my head would just erupt i did this once in my dream and then the second time i was about to stick my arm i woke up.i dont understand what feeling all that physical pain was about and why was it all about my T's office and not her.kind of strange