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I can't be still. My insides and outsides are just so twitchy. If I am still, I feel like I will die or something.

I am having invasive thoughts, horrible things and when I close my eyes, I am seeing horrible things that I could do to myself. It is taking strength not to go do something.

I have glued myself to the chair so that I don't do somehting to myself. I did scratch and leave a nasty mark on my wrist on Monday when this all started and I was wishing it was deeper.

I am so full of energy that I might scream or explode or something. It is physical.

On the other hand, I feel like I will never get better, that I will always be sick. It is bumming me out. I am depressed, but not immobile as the above descriptions state. I can't imagine my life going on long if it will be like this repeatedly. I feel somewhat hopeless. I am so sad that my most recent med change gave me life for 6 weeks and now it is gone. It is like the movie Awakenings, but I don't have the pleasure of slipping into a coma, just agitation.

I am doing med changes (with guidance from p-nurse) because of all this stuff that started on Monday and I think that it is making things worse. I really don't know what to do. I almost feel like I would be better in the hospital, but how the hell do I endure that again!? How would my family deal with it, how would I explain!!!???

I think I am heading for trouble and I am almost to the point where I tell my husband to take over because I can't make a decision.