I'm waiting2start meds&therapy cuz my PCP referred me2a Pdoc I was DX'd@17 but never got help cuz I thought id be all right. For yrs I have been buying xanax&ativan from ppl2self medicate4my anxiety. I have panic attacks a lot&have learned that if I take a xanax bar&break it into 4pieces&take 1piece every 6hrs I don't feel panicky, I'm not out of it&I can function. I'm scared that if I tell the Pdoc they won't help my anxiety. I've been seeking help4it4so long but nobody has been very willing2treat it. My fiance is afraid I will end up all "pilled" out if I get xanax or ativan prescribed2me&he's afraid that I will take em2b messed up. He doesn't understand that the REASON I buy em off the street is cuz it helps my anxiety. He hates my BP&wants that2b helped but he doesn't understand that I'm constantly anxious, too. He has seen how it affects me but he's scared ill be messed up&gone. I even told him he could keep my meds locked up&give em2me when I'm supposed2take em but he's being annoying. We've been2gether for4yrs&most of the reason I haven't gotten help since we have been2gether is b/c of his fear that I won't be ok.
He was also afraid when I started methadone maintenance therapy(MMT)b/c he thought I was just gonna try2get as much as I could2get "high", which of course, I didn't. I have been hiding from him the fact that there are times when he thinks I'm normal, but its always when I take anxiety meds..but they don't help the instability with emotions&the ups&downs of BP. I'm wondering, is this going to mess with my life? When I start taking meds will it take a while before I feel better? Will they cause me to be more depressed? And will my pdoc treat my anxiety? Should I tell them about my use of xanax&ativan? I've been prescribed ativan b4 but it only helps if I take2or4mg....I'm so freaking out! I just don't know what2expect....anybody have any insight?