I am | | this close, to just getting my psych to put me on out on disability indefinitely. I have to have a meeting with HR tomorrow at work, and they're going to tell me I should do paper work for FMLA, so I think I'm going to do it, and be like "this starts monday, right?" I am just beyond the point of actually caring about my job anymore since they've taken away all of the work I used to do every month, making me do work I didn't even do when I was a freakin' intern, pretty much giving me all the crap work that nobody else wants. I just don't feel like I have a purpose there anymore or anywhere, for that matter. Nobody wants some one to work for them full time, when one can only show up 75% of the time. AND I NEVER NOW when my brain is just going to have a melt down, and I need like 2 weeks off of work to get better or that I'll come in, but you're only getting a good 6 hours of work today, maybe. _the worst part_ is that my boss is kind of being passive aggressive about it and like any time she has to confront me about something, she sends me an email, and her cube is right in front of mine. wtf?

I think most at work are just waiting for me to have a melt down, again. I mean, it's not like I have anything else on my mind.....oh wait.....why would they care if I had a legitimate medical condition (since we all know, mental illness isn't) to why I've felt like absolute crap for the past 2 months, and I'm going to have surgery most likely.

I went to see a urologist yesterday about a mass I have located by my kidney, which he said that he had never seen before (great) and I had to have a blood test and he was going to talk to their radiologist and an oncologist. He had that look that doctors have when they know that's somethings bad, but don't quite know how bad or what to do. He said that the mass is wrapped around the right renal artery (the one that goes into the kidney) and that it would most likely need to be removed, but since the mass is wrapped around the artery, they would have to take the whole kidney.

Can I give up now......