Update: For myself, I've been so squirrelly the last couple of days, that we both decided I needed an emergency therapy session. Hubby had today off because he had two doctor's appointments. Well, the health coverage we've got is for a program where all services, family practice, specialties, labs, pharmacy, urgent care, etc. are in a self-contained building. A medical mall, if you will. We were already going there anyway. So while hubby was between morning family practice and afternoon occupational medicine appointments, we stopped by mental health for me.

It has to be a godsend. The on-call urgent care therapist assigned for today just *happened* to be my own regular therapist. He knows me and my background already, meaning there was no need to waste time on surface questions, and we could get right to the heart of the issues. He and I are a very good therapeutic match. I used to wonder about people who get so attached to their therapists that they go into crisis if the therapist transfers to another job--can't they just get another one? But now I understand, because I think I'd be pretty upset to lose this one. He helped a lot. Hubby and I were both included in the session, and we will schedule couples sessions together. The only immediate problem is, he's almost completely booked solid for the next two weeks, and only one appointment can be scheduled at a time. For couples therapy we'd have to work around hubby's job, and there weren't any available in the next couple of weeks outside his hours, so the next session has to be me alone. After that, we can start in as a couple. Technically, they don't do couples counseling as such, but they can have me as the identified patient, and hubby sitting in, although he's learning too. If hubby wanted, he could also go in for his own appointments, but that's extra $$.

The biggest eye-opener for me was this. Fact one--I'm right that hubby's father beat his emotions out of him. And fins, up above, pointed out fact two--hubby is therefore trained to shut down whenever anybody starts escalating. What I didn't connect, my therapist supplied. Fact one plus fact two equals fact three--when I get bothered and upset about the fact that he has no emotions, hubby will only shut down even tighter.

So that gets me off hubby's back about his emotions. Hubby's part in it is to understand what I was trying to tell him, and the therapist explained a little clearer. Hubby seems to think there are only two options: emotionally dead, or flipping out at the least provocation. And he doesn't want to lose control, so he stays frozen over.

The therapist even drew the diagram on the marker board. Far left represented totally blocked off, and far right represented overly sensitive. I'm not asking him to go all the way from one extreme to the other. I'm only asking him to scoot just a little bit toward the center.

Nothing........................................................................Too much
....X... x..............................................................................X
..........^
Where I want him

My therapist has an excellent way of explaining things.

Why is it so important to me? Because it's an intimacy issue. I want him to trust me enough to be open and direct about how he feels. He doesn't have to bawl his head off or punch holes in walls. All I'm asking for is, "Oh, I am so mad." There. That's expressing an emotion.

We both have work to do. We're doing it.