Thank you all a whole lot.

I'm still ... numb? that I've lost two boys. I mean, I KNOW they're gone, but I can't seem to cry much for Miles since I cried too much for Allan. Which makes me feel crappy, but my mind/heart is so ... dead, broken, something...

Grief is too complicated of an emotion.



It hurts to see all of the rat carriers/food and the large cage which now holds a solitary rat, their youngest "brother" James. I know that rats should never ever be kept alone (they are social creatures after all and need their own kind) ... but sometimes with more aggressive/territorial rats, it's needed. James isn't exactly the nicest boy with other rats, he tends to hoard food, and he beat up his older brothers and I had to separate Miles & James for the last week before Miles was PTS because I found wounds all over his body from James. Not impressed.

And I know it's selfish, but I can't see myself owning another cute rattie with a ridiculously short lifespan - and they cost a LOT in vet bills, holy moley! James is just over a year old, and they usually live 18 months - 3 years, so I'm thinking he'll just be a solitary rat unless another rat miraculously appears in my life. And is the same age or older.

This is too hard.