sillywoman, have you thought of going to therapy to see if the therapist can help you find some peace with what is going on? Do you think at some point your husband would agree to joint counseling?

It is my speculation your husband's parents expected him to do exactly what they told him without question. He may think allowing you to make decisions is a way of showing you how much he loves you.

Have you asked him to take over some responsibilities you have, like getting groceries or deciding what you are going to do in the spare time, etc. Also, have you explained to him that anniversaries are important to you? That you would appreciate more affection?

I expect you have told him all that. Maybe you need to be more assertive?

Good luck.