AmazonMom: that web site ROCKS! Thank you!!

I'm really trying to remain *stress-free* per my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) for the most successful outcome in August (HURRY UP AUGUST!) and were it not for Klonopin (Blackpup, it's a benzo with minimal risk for addiction and seems to work well for bipolars), I'd be a wreck with worry over all this. I have been stable for what feels like so long and guess what: I like stable.
I have taken Lamictal in the past, but was switched to Tegratol because it's on the $4 WalMart plan. I liked Lamictal too, it was purely a financial gamble and it worked.
So now I'm feeling a new slight niggling in my brain: how to make the new meds come together. I don't have an appt with my pdoc (5 states away) until August 30th and my IVF is mid August.
In the beginning of my bp journey, I was in and out of hospitals and put on so many different meds that I started my own research and really put my foot down on what side effects I was willing to live with and some meds I flat out refused to take, when I knew there was an alternative I could live with. I'm not a lab rat. Funny, at my last appt I was called "A Highly Functioning Bipolar", while in the back of my mind I'm remembering the dark places I've been, the damage I've done and the whittled fingernails from scraping my way to where I am now. Today I felt like crap, kinda down, kinda overwhelmed, pressure from wanting a child and a successful IVF cycle (my pressure, not my husbands), a healthy child...weighing the risks of taking the bare minimum, just to keep them in my blood. A sorta bad day.
But it's OK, I feel human and I really want to be here. I need to be here . It's taken me a long time to say I want to be here.
And dammit, even longer to say: I LIKE BEING ODD!!