I am not in my 40's (only my 20's) but let me say you do make me feel a lot better about the fact I have never done any of those things myself. I feel like I am doomed to be alone forever because intimacy terrifies me and I have major trust issues. I was never SA'd (at least not physically but someone on here told me a few weeks ago that I was by exposure), but I have been abused other ways and have grown up around extremely bad relationships (my mother has been in abusive relationships, my dads not a nice person, both of my aunties are divorced, one has been in and is now in another abusive relationship, my cousin has been in an abusive relationship, my grandfather is an alcoholic). I get really envious when I see people together, I was at the supermarket only 30 minutes ago and saw a couple with their arm around each other and I felt like crap.

Maybe my point doesn't count because I'm not as old as you, but it is very lonely.