At work I am always upbeat&happy&talkative&outgoing...when ppl are around. When nobodys looking I'm trying not to cry or crying. At home tho I'm just so tired lately. It takes all my energy2be happy@work so when I get home I'm drained. I cry&laugh@the same time. I flip out&scream. I want to lock myself inside&just not be around anybody. Summer is big for my family. Lots of get togethers. But so far I have missed em all cuz I'm scared they'll notice I'm not the same anymore. Can't even pretend2b happy around my family anymore cuz I'm too tired. I can't wait for Tuesday. They're moving my appointment up cuz my pcp is worried bout me. They said I may go2inpatient care. That would just be awful! I can't afford to miss work. My boss would give me the time off but when I came back he would give me hardly any hours&then I would get depressed all over.
I'm tired of living 2 lives. But when everyone@work finds out what's wrong with me they will treat me differently. But eventually I'm going to crash@work so mybe its better they know so they won't make up rumors&lies when it does happen.