Thanks Wendy and Duchess,
I have been trying to force myself to do just as much and fully type out everything I have never had the courage to tell mt T and handing it to her, I've just never gotten up the courage to do so. I really am thinking that it's about time I do so, seeing as otherwise I am probably wasting my (and her) time and money. I'd like to say that I plan on doing so by tomorrow for my next appointment, but I can't promise that i'll muster up the courage. Even though I very well may type it out, the hard part is actually handing it to her (since I have in the past printed out things for her, but felt silly giving them to her). At the end of the day, both of you two's advice is exactly what I need to convince myself of. I'm trying. I'm just trying to steer away from the urge to give up and revel in my misery. Wendy----I'm going to try my best to follow through with your advice, for on a logical level I know you are EXACTLY right. Thanks for the encouragement : ). Duchess----you are right, I am the ONLY person keeping me from getting better (a fact I face every day, which mostly only fuels my self loathing and depression). I'm looking for that voice so hard, it's just quite elusive these days. I try and use writing and other things as my outlet, I've just been betrayed by my journal one too many times so it's hard. More than anything just talking to people here who are or have been where I am is the most theraputic thing of all. It's so much different from talking to any therapist, because they can never look at the situation fully if they havent been there. Thank you both so much for the advice, now I just have to LISTEN to it : )

<3<3<3<3<3Hugs to you both<3<3<3<3<3<3<3