I debated as to whether to answer this question honestly. I decided to just share my experience.

A few years ago I met a recovering meth addict who was awaiting charges. We hooked up, very quickly. I was in the beginning of my alcoholism. I didn't know much about recovery. Didn't get that he couldn't drink. Thought as long as he stayed away from meth and pot he'd be ok. I struggled a lot waiting fot the sentancing. It worked out for the best, he didn't get time, just extended probation. We continuted on our merry way. Long story short, he started drinking heavily with me, eventually smoking pot again. We married. I was with him as his wife for 4 months when he went nuts on me, getting close to violence. I left him. I have no idea what he's doing now. We are still married because I'm terrified to pursue divorce. Now I'm in recovery. While doing my 5th step, I saw how easy it was for him to relapse, not on meth, not that I know of. Now, he wasn't honest about his recovery, obviously not with me or with himself. He also got involved with me even though I drank. I know it wasn't my fault, but he was new in sobriety and got into a relationship. Now, present time, me this time. Over Labor Day weekend, I met a guy with 6 years, who would have had 10 if it hadn't been for 1 beer. I was so excited, a guy who was interested in me, who was sober. But after getting to know him, I saw that I didn't respect his program, and I wasn't putting as much energy into my program and my fellows. I also lost respect for him, when I asked myself if I would get involved with someone new in sobriety. Now I only have a little over 5 months, but I can't imagine getting involved with someone with only 30 days, regardless of how much time they might have had before. People early in sobriety have so much growing and changing to do. I had to look at him and wonder what he was doing with me. Why was he allowing himself into someone's early program? Though I put my sobriety first, I'm still too young to worry about someone else, especially another in recovery. I made that decision for me, based on my needs, my patterns. New relationships feel great and their fun. But I had to look at my past and what I did when I met a cool guy. I decided if we were meant to see each other that way, it could wait until down the road when my sobriety is no longer shaky. Though you had time under your belt, you relapsed. Therefore your sobriety is shaky. Take a good look at yourself, your motives, his motives, his program, etc. Can this wait until your sobriety is less shaky? Is this relationship happening right this minute worth the possibility of another change in sobriety date? These are my fears when it comes to a new relationship in early sobriety. This is simply my experience strenght and hope on the issue and definetly does not pertain to everyone. I would say this to a women not in recovery as well....don't let yourself be blindsided by new lust. Take it easy, take it slow, and trust your gut. Keep us posted.

~Rayna