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Originally Posted by desperate&disturbed
for what its worth your pesonality makes up for any physical imperfiection you *may* have. may is between astricks because well lets face it; we are our own biggest critics. im sure you judge yourself harder than anyone else can. but we talked a lot in the past and you were a very cool and nice person. i don't think you should be self concious because you were so nice but that's just me for what its worth
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That's only because you're the most morally awesome teenager around and can't understand why girls fuss about they way they look. Sadly though most people notice looks before they notice personality so it is something that gets to me.
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Originally Posted by sunsetsunrise
Evening. I read what you wrote and I am honestly sorry that you are feeling so tourmented with pain over your physical appearance. I clicked on your name to see your profile. I saw a profile picture of a very pretty girl with three guys. Is this you? Because if it is, you are extremely pretty as far as I am concerned.
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I think that was more of a fluke shot over anything else, it makes me look like I actually have friends. One of those people I don't even know, one is someone I've known for 15 years but haven't seen for months because he seems to disappear when I feel down, and the other is a really great guy but works so often I see him maybe once a month max. It took me 20 minutes to decide on that picture because it's the least ugly one I could find.
Having said that though I have to be honest that compliments don't do much for me, I cringe at compliments as much as I cringe at criticism. I don't believe it when people say it, I feel like people are obliged to say it and there is no way people can't see what I see.
No I think it is true. On top of other things, I have spent a lifetime of people commenting on my appearance. I was tall and thin so I should be a model, I'm too fat and look pregnant so I should do sit ups, my hairs too messy, my hair's really nice, I'm thinner than this person, this person's thinner than me, I my ears stick out, my ears don't stick out, I look the same as I have for the last 10 years, I talk funny, I walk funny, etc. etc. etc.
I have one friend who makes me feel so bad about myself, whenever I talk to her on the phone (and she talks a LOT), she always tells me to check out people we used to go to school with and see how amazingly good looking they are now. I DON'T want to look at pictures of people better looking than me. But she never says anything to me other than 'you just look the same as you always have' in this voice like 'whatever, just check out these other people who are so much better looking than you'. And of course now I've started to obsess, I look though hundreds of photos of these people and then go look in the mirror.
Let me also point out that most pictures you will ever see of me have been edited- the colour changed, all my bad skin airbrushed, so I don't look EXACTLY like what is in the picture.
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Originally Posted by theodora
(((((sunsetsunrise)))))--and all others who have replied here--hugs------
Evening! I know that's a picture of you on your blog-----sunsetsunrise speaks the truth........you know, when I was your age, no one could tell me I was "pretty" either.
All the abuse had taken its' toll--and you've been negated as a PERSON for most of your life!!! I was too.
No, I won't try to convince you otherwise; however, I will tell you this:
Now, at my ancient age, I have young girls in their thirties asking me how I can look so good when I haven't even changed my clothes, or taken a shower to go out to the dog park. I'm 55 Evening!!!
I had to learn to feel good in my own skin. Doesn't matter what I wear, or anything else; People feel at ease with me, just because I feel at ease with myself.
These young girls--they look older than I do, and they ask me "How?"
Yes, sunsetsunrise said it all in her last sentence---You have to heal from the inside out---I did.
So incredibly talented, so intelligent, so fun, I enjoy you for who you are-love who you are------------this will pass.many hugs--theo   |
I am not talented, I don't think so at all (no matter how many times you try to tell me Theo!
). Again I have got criticism for my work, as I mentioned in another thread about a friend of mine who has this subtle way of trying to prove he is better than everyone else.
It makes me so angry because I can see right through him, but at the same time it hurts so much. How do I know he's not really just being HONEST about my photography and artwork?
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You love the music of my generation--did you ever hear Jefferson Airplane --Grace Slick sing "You're Only Pretty as You Feel"? or "There's One Thing You Can't Hide---
It"s When You're Crippled Inside"?---love You!!!
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No I haven't, but I did learn that Otis Redding was only 26 when he died, I thought he was at least a decade older than that (completely off topic I know, I just found it really interesting).
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Originally Posted by Lisa Michelle
I share a lot of your feelings, I often feel really ugly and I have huge issues with my teeth, nose and breasts.
Sometimes what I try to do is imagine something happens to me and my face becomes disfigured, or imagine I was born with a deformity. Say something like... somebody throws acid in my face, or I'm in a fire, and my face becomes covered in burn scars. I try to think, if that happened to my face, would I look back and see how, actually, my face was FINE before, and I would do anything to have that face back, even if it wasn't perfect..?
Sometimes you see these shows, and there's like, a kid born without a nose and a mouth, or something, and their deformity is soo obvious, and I think.... I'm lucky. I'm not gorgeous, I'm no Beyonce, but I have a nose and eyes and mouth where they should be, and they're not so ugly that they're deformed, and it's really just my personal opinion that it looks ugly. Ask those other peole who have to live with deformities etc, and they'd think we were lucky and looked great.
Not sure if that will help you, but it helps me.
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I do that sometimes too, but then I feel bad. It's almost like it's an unattractive person's job to make self conscious people feel better about themselves. Isn't that terrible? (okay maybe I'm kind of finding some sort of humour in that and laughing to myself right now, but still...)
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If you decide you do want to change things, and think it will give you more confidence, go for it... but it might not change as much as you think it will. Ultimately you have to be happy about you as a person, not your outer appearance, cos even with age that's going to change and it won't seem so important when you're older.
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I know getting my teeth and ears fixed will DEFINITELY make me feel better, it terrifies me what my teeth are going to be like in 10 years, it really does. I am extremely resentful that nobody did anything about it when I was a child so now that responsibility and extra cost is all down on me now. If someone took me to a dentist, got braces, whatever I needed back then, it wouldn't have escalated to what it is now. I grind my teeth, and my top teeth are worn down, especially this one tooth in particular. They are disgusting.
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Originally Posted by susan888
(((Evening)))
I am now 45 and just learning to accept..no not accept, but try to love myself. Healing does come from the inside out. When I was your age people always told me how beautiful I was, but all I could see was ugly, fat, not good enough. Your childhood follows you and if it was a bad one, it distorts your self image.
If I had a do-over....I would have gotten some counseling to deal with my self-hatred...I may still do that.
The message I want to convey to you is..please don't waste your life hating yourself. Talk to someone and find out what is at the root of that feeling. Sweetie, looks fade as you age, but beauty truly does reside in the soul.
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I have to admit I am too embarrassed to talk about my appearance to most people, I don't trust what people say and I don't want to draw attention to myself. I can't accept that what is on the inside of me is more important, because most people don't like me as a person anyway, and people have always drawn attention to my looks.
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Originally Posted by ruffy
 (((Evening))) Do you find that the way you see yourself changes as your moods change? I know this is how it happens for me. We never look good to ourselves when we feel like crap on the inside. I did visit your profile, the curiosity almost killed me.....and let me just say this, you and I are both are just cute as buttons, even though our minds are telling us different. It is so strange how we attack ourselves in this way. I still do it when Im feeling down but have found that the effects of buying new things only lasts a short time. I hope you are getting positive counseling, because if you can change the way you think you will see how lovely you truly are. Now, when I hear myself telling me how ugly I am, I tell it to go suck an egg, even if its first thing in the morning before Ive brushed my teeth!!!!  |
Sometimes my crappy mood makes me feel ugly, but sometimes my ugly makes me feel crappy.
You are right that buying new things only feels good for a short time, that $2,000 spending spree has definitely worn off.
I am really sorry to everyone if I sound as though I'm whinging and complaining, I don't want to sound like that. I am just tormented by this. It's ages before I have to see any friends, and I am driving myself nuts thinking about what I'm going to look like. In fact as I write I have a face mask, teeth bleach and hair repair treatment on. Not that it will make me look any different.
But the mask does smell nice...