Evening

I, too, can relate to how you're feeling, however I admit that you are much harder on yourself than I've ever been.
And you're right, this has become an obsession of yours but I strongly feel it's origin comes somewhere from childhood.

When I was young, I can remember when my mom used to tell me that I shouldn't pay mind to my appearance as a means of obtaining...anything, as looks certainly do fade with age and leave us with what we truly are within.
I grew up as a fat tomboy who dressed like the boys and pretty much behaved as tough as they did. I hated the way I looked as a girl, so I hid behind that roughneck exterior to prevent being further teased, (although that really didn't work..I was teased, anyway).
I was a far cry from feminine, or even attractive when I was young.

From my late teens up, I was teased for having no breasts, but at that time I was able to bury the pain from the torment and pretend it didn't bother me. I figured I am what I am and so be it...live with it.
It wasn't until last year that all those years of tolerating pain finally surfaced and I resorted to having breast augmentation.
I found it interesting how, the first thing my doctor asked me was "why I wanted this surgery" as they will not perform plastic surgery under the wrong conditions, at least the good surgeons wont, anyway. And they consider the wrong conditions being the patient seeking alterations while under psychological duress, as a means of relying on the surgery to make them feel accepted. (I got my surgery to make me feel like a complete woman, not to get attention from other's).
After the surgery, I felt so wonderful because of it, I had to ask myself why I waited so long to have it done. (I'm 51, btw....).

I'm certain that if you go through with any surgery alterations, it is for the same reason I did. To feel better about your own self..within your own skin.
I have to let you know though, (and I realize this is only my experience and not implying this is how it will be for you as well), that even though I now have breasts to make me feel more as a "whole" woman, I still have some pretty deep issues about self-acceptance/worth. NO surgery can ever provide me with the beauty I seek from within. That comes from understanding how to accept my own self. "We think, therefore we are" sort of thing.

I'm not tooting my own horn here, but I'm not half-bad looking for 51. Considering the rough life I put my own self through, those few decades of serious drug abuse and health neglect, I've held up pretty well, which truly surprises me. I have 2 younger sisters, 3 & 5 years younger who both look older than me, and for the life of me I don't understand why.
Instead of questioning why I'm "not", I'm slowly learning to value what I "am".
I still find myself comparing myself to others, (and I have absolutely no idea why, really, as I am fine as I am, yet compelled to discredit myself for some reason. Perhaps to keep myself in a place that has been so familiar for decades...not sure).

I've checked out your profile page and agree with all others that you are a beautiful young woman, despite all your imperfections. BTW, I, too, have ears that embarrass me and consciously attempt to cover. As well as my teeth, (same as with you, I had parents who never enforced dental hygiene. They had theirs pulled & full dentures before most of us were even born, so it wasn't as big an issue to them, I guess).

I realize that what I'm saying to you more than likely holds no meaning. You feel as you do about yourself and those feelings definitely have great value and justifications to you. I can relate to and understand all that.

It is a shame how we get so caught up in what we aren't that we completely allow what beauty we are to pass right on by us. And before we know it, we are halfway through our lives, STILL focused and miserable over what we aren't. The only difference is we are only much older with compounding reasons of why we "aren't"..seemingly hopeless.

I suppose it's a matter of what you are willing to allow for yourself and in your case, it isn't very much. Of course, that is your choice. You have that right.
Wouldn't it, though, be fair to yourself to allow yourself to enjoy your youth while you have it? Age has a way of sneaking up on us without warning. And before you know it, you're old..er and still feeling horrible about yourself.

(I'm still learning how to grow older gracefully...struggling with that a bit).
I hope that there was some value in what I've said here, but perfectly understand if there isn't.

I wish you all the best....

Shangrala